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♥
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
10:22 AM
i went to airport today...for lunch with sue..i went there too early..so i end up sitting at the chairs while waiting for her...seeing ppl..walking past me with all those luggages...remind me of the fri nite..i send him off myself...with my own hands...i sent him off till the paspport area...its me who let him go...
it was hard to hold back the tears again and again...i saw sumone repacking his luggage...memories came again to me...then i saw sumone who looked like him...only slimmer...i was happy for a while seeing these 2 tings...but i was holding back tears at the same time...it was hard...sumtims i wonder...will it be better if i had met him later on in my life?? then i dont need to go thru this pain in my heart....i really nv expect it to be so hard...i tot i was strong enough...apprently..at times i was not...
i was no longer able to hold my tears when i saw sue..i just break down...guess she also knew it will be hard for me to meet her at airport...thats y she was shocked when i told her to meet at airport....she sat there quietly...letting me cry alone...after i calm down i went to sakae with her...then i went to sch to do sum stuff...little did i expect...sch reminds me of him too...i quickly get out of the sch...then went to tampines to check passbook..man..i saw his shadows everywhere...i cant bear it anymore..i decide to go home abd felt asleep again....
i was tired...i dun feel like doing anyting or even going out with frens...but i told myself to be strong for him and for myself...so i decide to go out at times....i need to carry on with my life...i really hope tings will be better in time to come...i wan to go back beign the cheerful little me once again...for him and myself.....
♥
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
2:41 PM
today is the fourth day after eric went to UK....tings had not been very easy for me...i told myself to be strong....this is the path that i have chosen...so may as well grit my teeth and carry on with it...things were all well...on sunday....after crying my heart out on fri, sat and sunday....things were better....coz eric called or sms everyday...so its as if he is here in Singapore....just that we cant meet each other due to no time or work...my heart feels better.
on monday...reality strikes when i went his hse....its as if it was slapped onto my face..i had a very nice dream on sunday night...the dream was...i went to his hse on monday...but he was there! the UK trip was just a joke...he doesnt need to go from the beginning...it was just a joke played on me.. but i woke up..so with this hope i went to his hse as planned to send him the parcel. However, he was not there...ok..first blow.
tings were quite chaotic then...so i didnt really tink much of it...actually i dont wan reality to strike at me again...so i wanna go home right after DHL...but fate played me other wise...i left sumting at his hse...i have to get it...so i went back...
blow 2: the room feels so empty and cold now that it was clean and stuff...his mom's gestures are not making feel any better...with the cloth over the keyboard and computer...it was really clear to me that he was gone.
blow 3: i was playing sims 2 on the comp...trying to relax and forget about it for a while...but i found myself...unconsciously...i turned myself towards the bed...looking for him....coz normally he will be there slping like a pig while i play games..once again... saw nothing but a cold, empty and tidy bed...i stopped playing then.
blow 4: i looked around the room...trying to find sumting...to console myself...but i found nothing...things were just making it worse...i keep finding his shadows..after that realising..everyting is true...i cry myself to slp on the bed...soon after i woke up...trying to calm myself...i waited till i felt better..i quickly...excused myself..and went home...
now i noe...why his dad kept reminding i must come to visit no matter wat...maybe he already noez i will be like that when i visit the house..becoz..on my way back..i was unstable...really unstable...tears will flow freely for no reason...i took a cab back...i dun wan ppl to see me crying in the bus...for no reason...
when i reached home..evryone was busy with their stuff so they dun really notice my puffed eyes...i went staright to bed...sezing i am tired...and coverd myself with blanket..and cry myself to slp...it was very tiring...each time i woke up...i was tired.
i dun feel like doign anyting then...i tot tml will be better...i will be going out with sakinah and yolanda...but once again..yoda...stands us up sezing her mom dun allow her to go out..i was tired..sad..and more tired...honestly..i was angry at her...Thank God for sue to be there...she changed our meeting to tml for lunch....and i thank sakinah too for being there.
♥ never knew it was this hard to part
Friday, September 16, 2005
4:18 PM
as described in the title of today posting, thats how i am feeling rite now....though i had known that this day will come sooner or later since last year...i did not realise that it will be this hard to say goodbye.....the last one week was one of the happiest days of my life....though it is short...but at least i spent some time with u....
i told myself that i need to be strong...it is only 9 months' time....but it is hard....i felt that i have lost a precious part of mine...he was my best friend, he is always there for me....his shoulders will always be there for me when i need it....now..i feel that i have lost that part of support....things will never be the same for me.....
i was looking at the entrance of my house...and i realise that for the next 9 months, i will not be able to see that silly face popping out in front of me again....if i go to his house....i realise that he wont be there to greet me...the room will be cold...and never be the same for the next 9 months...
i thought i will be able to brace through this....but it was really hard to....to my ignorance..he already become a part of me that i can never do without.....please take good care of urself....dont be too worry about me....i will be fine whenever i hear ur voice...or even just a text message....
lots of thanks, hugs and kisses for the gerz who has shown their concern for me...i will take good care of myself..dun worry..i will be fine.
ps: please dun tink too much about this post yeah...i am alrite....and pleas dun cry..i dun wan u to become a puff eye pig :p
~i wonder if i can fall asleep tonight.....i doubt so....~
♥
Saturday, September 10, 2005
12:03 PM
end of semester....will mean changing of a new class....damn..just when i am getting used to this class...i love the gers in there....hahaha. like yolanda and skainah and sabeena....they are great gerz! lol. anyway...actually i am kind of numb to this system of changing class....but somehow..i do felel abit of sadness in the corner of my heart...u noe...abit contradicting but...yeah thats how i feel. hahaha...
ok..another sad thing...exactly one week from now...eric will officially be flying off to UK....and i can onle see him...after 9 months...sad and happy for him alrite...at least i noe he will graduate faster.hahaha....ok...
today..not much ting...tml i have to go for briefing at my workplace...i just got this hunch that...my employer, Sharon, going to have lots of dogs...in the shop...to let me get used to dogs.....hahaha...just wish me luck.....that teh dogs wunt charge at me and i wunt run.
ps: i am working at a pet bakery...not bake the dogs ok...just sell foods and stuff for dogs..teh shop is at the caltex alon the katong that area.
♥
Friday, September 09, 2005
2:26 PM
today is the official day i finish my exams!! if all goes well...i shall be promoted to second yr 2nd semester...yay! ok...this is how i think i fare for the 3 papers.
Accounting - oklah...basically got answeer all and the format is right. should be able to clear.
Crimpro - diff of 2 mcq ans with the top student of my cohort...section B fill in the blanks...was a killer...think i lost at least 10 marks there...section C..dun sez...overall...tink this paper sucks.
Contract - diff of 1 mcq ans with teh top student again...section B...ok....section C...also ok...one complaint...too many questions and too little time!! should be able to clear.
food hygiene - last test...if i got...30/50....i pass this subject already.hahaha.
ok..nothign eles...after exam ..i went with my lovely gerz...to TM...we gorge ourselves with pizza. me..sakinah..yoda...nora...ying ying.hahaha...the eat until cannot walk...then go arcade...
u gusy noe wat...the lady with the short ahir there very rude one...next time go there..just shw her attitude...and gerz!! its a must to visit the toilet in 2nd floor of cs..the toilet damn nice...and now the have sofa there!!! hahaha...and of cse..we took sum pics there.
this one is the othe rnice pic in starbucks. lol.
man...we look like we are psoing like those models...hahha.
♥
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
1:19 PM
yay...yay....exam tml..hahaha...i have 2 damn hard papers tml lah....dunno how to survive
shall study more. anyway...went out with sakinah and yolanda to study at starbucks....u noe wat! i bumped into adeline and elisabeth there...hahaha...singapore sure is small...
ok..thoug we are supposed to be studying but....u noe we gerz need a break so we took a short break of picture taking!!!...but sad ting is...all the pictures turn out not nice...so i shall not post here..except for this pic below
that will be all for today then...must go study again..wish me luck.
♥
Thursday, September 01, 2005
11:00 AM
yay!! great day today! i am so happy today!
i went back with socks to CCSS today for teacher day's celebration..dun really watch the performance...walk around the school...sec 3 class and sec 4 class...and the study area at 3rd floor where my ncie sec 4 picture is hang there. hahaha. Anyway...when i take a peek at our classroom..the memories came back to me again...the joy and tears that were present when we were sitting in that classroom...subconsciously i started the compare the life we had in that classroom with my poly life... that classroom was more warm,friendly,innocent and carefree despite the stress in studies then...poly classrooms feel so cold and hostile now....
i love going back to CCSS...but everytime we went back i will miss the life there ALOT and past memories would come back to me...and i will once again wish if i can turn back the clock...and stay in that time forever...
the corridors, canteen, hall, etc each has its own set of memories which i will also remember in my life...as the life at CCSS was the best life for me....happy and innocent. i really really love the people there...noone can ever replace the people there. :)
ps: socks i saw u and jay at 201 busstop.haha.
suraiyah too bad u cant go today...long time nv see u le. anyway...noraini and adibah sent
their regards. :)
paulus mati kemana sih...rindu banget loh. *winks*
eric i tink i saw sumting i shouldnt...should i tell u *smirk* hahaha.
anyway...i am damn sentimental now after visiting CCSS...so i shall go and think back on the time i spent there...alone..:p