today is the fourth day after eric went to UK....tings had not been very easy for me...i told myself to be strong....this is the path that i have chosen...so may as well grit my teeth and carry on with it...things were all well...on sunday....after crying my heart out on fri, sat and sunday....things were better....coz eric called or sms everyday...so its as if he is here in Singapore....just that we cant meet each other due to no time or work...my heart feels better.
on monday...reality strikes when i went his hse....its as if it was slapped onto my face..i had a very nice dream on sunday night...the dream was...i went to his hse on monday...but he was there! the UK trip was just a joke...he doesnt need to go from the beginning...it was just a joke played on me.. but i woke up..so with this hope i went to his hse as planned to send him the parcel. However, he was not there...ok..first blow.
tings were quite chaotic then...so i didnt really tink much of it...actually i dont wan reality to strike at me again...so i wanna go home right after DHL...but fate played me other wise...i left sumting at his hse...i have to get it...so i went back...
blow 2: the room feels so empty and cold now that it was clean and stuff...his mom's gestures are not making feel any better...with the cloth over the keyboard and computer...it was really clear to me that he was gone.
blow 3: i was playing sims 2 on the comp...trying to relax and forget about it for a while...but i found myself...unconsciously...i turned myself towards the bed...looking for him....coz normally he will be there slping like a pig while i play games..once again... saw nothing but a cold, empty and tidy bed...i stopped playing then.
blow 4: i looked around the room...trying to find sumting...to console myself...but i found nothing...things were just making it worse...i keep finding his shadows..after that realising..everyting is true...i cry myself to slp on the bed...soon after i woke up...trying to calm myself...i waited till i felt better..i quickly...excused myself..and went home...
now i noe...why his dad kept reminding i must come to visit no matter wat...maybe he already noez i will be like that when i visit the house..becoz..on my way back..i was unstable...really unstable...tears will flow freely for no reason...i took a cab back...i dun wan ppl to see me crying in the bus...for no reason...
when i reached home..evryone was busy with their stuff so they dun really notice my puffed eyes...i went staright to bed...sezing i am tired...and coverd myself with blanket..and cry myself to slp...it was very tiring...each time i woke up...i was tired.
i dun feel like doign anyting then...i tot tml will be better...i will be going out with sakinah and yolanda...but once again..yoda...stands us up sezing her mom dun allow her to go out..i was tired..sad..and more tired...honestly..i was angry at her...Thank God for sue to be there...she changed our meeting to tml for lunch....and i thank sakinah too for being there.
