i am back! hahaha. anyone miss me?
dun tink so lah..since u guys are probably enjoying xmas. which is a good ting. hehe.
as for me.been busy working lah and since dun hav internet..i am too lazy to do any work. so yeah...i need to start doing my adv civ pro and TWP already!
and guys..i have moved house ok. i no longer stay at costa del sol alrite. so yeah...dun go there looking for me. ehehe. the first ting that i did was to look around for blogs and update myself with my frens' lives since i did not go on msn much and dun really get to tok to my frens are either they are busy, away or i am busy. hehe.
i realised sumting though...this thing has been in my heart fro quite sumtime and i am starting to feel uncomfortable with it. call me insecure but i just got to let this out. was reading around then i notice that things may have changed really. i am quite unsure rite now whether or not i am still being regarded as fren or prob just ex-fren but have to still hang around coz will feel bad is just left a fren like dat.
sumtimes i dun wan to let my imagination run wild but i cant help me. at times i do feel weird and insecure. its as if my existence there are meaningless and a bother. its not only couples drift apart. frens do too. maybe thats wats happening. i tried to not drift apart but there is always tis wall that separate me. a wall that i was not allowed to pass. i asked myself..wat did i do wrong? i cant tink of any. if there is kindly tell me instead of leaving me feeling weird and unwanted. i appreciate all my frens and will do anyting within my ability to help whenever possible. maybe i will prob be marked "liar" if i sez i will do anyting for my frens but i do and i will do it if its possible.
however, as a human i am selfish by nature. i need to be appreciated too. i dun like to be taken for granted and i am quite sure noone like to be taken for granted or even feeling unwanted. i have said it before and i will say it again now. i wouldnt noe wat problems anybody have till they tell me wats going on.
i will be lying if i sez "oh...its okay. dun need to tell me anyting. i noe wats troubling you" i am no God or angel u noe. i cant read anyone's mind. if i was not told how would i noe. it takes two to clap thats wat i believe. i have got ears to lend but i got nothing to hear.
i may be busy but if u need my help why wouldnt i help u if i can? i am busy not becoz i am out with other frens i am busy with work and its not like i choose to be busy with work. sumtimes my efforts to get tings back to normal are always dismiss as not necessary or its okay...no matter how hard u try things still cant change.
sometimes..i worry for my frens whenever i cant get them. will be thinking is everyting alrite? havnt heard from my frens for sutmimes..u noe why i am like this. i have lost a dear fren once becoz i did not tink of it too much when i cant get my fren. thinking its alrite..prob had too much fun till cant pick up phone. and u noe wat. the next day this fren was found to be kidnapped and found dead in a week time.
i am not kidding when i ask u guys whether u guys are alrite..maybe this kind of gesture is deemed unnecessary and called hypocrite but its just me.
was reflecting on my life these few days and i find that i have screwed up my life worrying for stuff that are prob tot as unnecessary. maybe i should just ignore anyting and just smile and laugh as per normal. i am getting quite emo now. so yeah...shall stop here coz my ranting is never ending. so till then...i shall keep tinking about my life and see wat i can do to change my life or maybe improve tings.
till then dear frens...take care of urself. and dun tink too much into this post. i am just blardy emo tonite.
